I’ve conceded everything, and it still isn’t enough, because she won’t let go or move on. Since I was 23, I have helped this person through depression, disorders, and neuroses, and in return have endured so much abuse, violence, and deception, but since I was the sole earner, the law has done nothing to protect me, and has done everything to enable her. And while I’m bleeding, the lampreys and sharks encircle and eat what’s left, inciting further conflict as I beg for mercy and peace. I’ve awoken in a Kafkaesque reality where she can demand $55k from me for an unspecified “medical emergency,” and then give it all to a West Hollywood psychic for a spiritual cleansing. I thought I had conducted my life with honor and compassion, but my kindness has been used to against me, and now I lay mutilated on the ocean bed. I’ve been able to find peace by dreaming of being an invertebrate, descending into a primitive deep ocean trench, dimly lit by my own bioluminescence. There is a shimmer of solace in that weak light.
“There is a fundamental reason why we look at the sky with wonder and longing—for the same reason that we stand, hour after hour, gazing at the distant swell of the open ocean. There is something like an ancient wisdom, encoded and tucked away in our DNA, that knows its point of origin as surely as a salmon knows its creek. Intellectually, we may not want to return there, but the genes know, and long for their origins—their home in the salty depths. But if the seas are our immediate source, the penultimate source is certainly the heavens… The spectacular truth is—and this is something that your DNA has known all along—the very atoms of your body—the iron, calcium, phosphorus, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and on and on—were initially forged in long-dead stars. This is why, when you stand outside under a moonless, country sky, you feel some ineffable tugging at your innards. We are star stuff. Keep looking up.”—Neil Degrasse Tyson (via startalkradio)